the sun's on my side
bring me for a ride
i smile up the sky
i know i'll be alright
♥ ♥ ♥

Friday, May 15, 2009

I'm 4/5 on my way to a self-misery yet wonderland.

Have been seeing alots of jiayous and bias uniquely "add oilsss"
and yesterday someone text me the usual "jia you" again.
i smiled, but feeling abit pain.
i told this person,
i feel very suppress by today's paper.
true enough, i never felt this way before for the past few papers.
i keep having the thought of not going for it,
but whenever i think of what my closes one always encourage me,
not to give up and just do my best,
this push just keeps me going on.

was back from the most deadly paper of the month.
and its just foundation units, you know. foundation units.
intro to econs.
dont laugh. i know it may sound really easy to you,
but its really damn hard for me.

after i pen down 1 hour earlier than the others,
i walk out of the exam hall, feeling screwed.
not surprise it will turn out to be a 0/100.
but how i yearn before the paper start, that pleaseeeee end this misery soon,
i dont care if i'm gonna fail or whatever etc,
the feeling is not there.
the feeling of a little bit of happiness is really not there.
i dont feel glad at all that my 4th paper is over.
and thats scary.
human is the weirdest creature on earth,
here you want to faster get over and done with it,
then you regret for not doing well.
urgh.

to be truth, i know deserve it.
i know i didnt do my very best for today's paper,
and i know i didnt work hard enough for it.
i just let it die, instantly.

so here i am,
feeling really lousy,
staring at my course 12 modules,
searching for my backup routes,
thinking how to continue this journey,
am i fit to be one,
is there any other way?
if they can, why cant i?
it just keep swirling.........

sometimes i really envy people around me,
people that already gotten the target i'm now struggling to achieve,
people like 38, bias, with exemptions.
i know, we are all studying together,
but is the fact that its a 8 and 12 module difference.
and its alot.

i dont know if i should continue.
i does not need to wait till september to come,
because i already know the results,
all in my heart.

you said, "turbo your last one."
yes, maybe i should.
I SHOULD.